When I was at Bailey’s check up a few weeks ago, her doctor asked me something right before he walked out the door–“Have you learned anything over the last 9 months?” and I looked at him incredulously while nodding. He smiled and said “Good, because if you had said no I would have laughed at you. You will continue to learn too, I promise.”
I feel like these last few weeks in particular made that conversation even more true. I am constantly learning everyday. I am learning that it is hard, amazing, hilarious, exhausting, fulfilling, frustrating, fun, and a million other emotions. I had this image in my mind of the kind of mother I expected of myself. Always put together, always happy, always having energy, and once I got my routines, everything would be peachy. Hah.
Life is funny. Bailey slept through the night for the first time for 2 nights before she had an ear infection. She was having a rough night and was really warm, so I gave her tylenol. I thought maybe it was her teeth bothering her. The next morning she was still warm and ended up having a 102.7 fever. I got that mommy feeling like something wasn’t right. Adam had to leave early to work, so I called the clinic and wouldn’t you know it, they had an opening in like 15 minutes. Good thing we live like right across from the hospital. Heavenly Father was throwing me a bone. The doctor on call confirmed it was an ear infection. (After it took me, the nurse, and the doctor to hold Bailey down to check her ears. That girl is strong!) They gave her amoxicillin for 10 days and scheduled a 2 week appointment (which will be this coming Monday) and sent me on my way. I am allergic to amoxicillin and penicillin so I was nervous and called my mom so many times over the next few days. She got a diaper rash from the anti biotics leaving her system, but that was about it thank goodness. She didnt feel like eating much because she was so congested, so we had more bottles for a few days to make sure she didnt get dehydrated. She woke up every 30 minutes for 2 nights. It was so hard. It is hard being nighttime mommy and still having energy for day time mommy! Adam was up too so I know he had to be super tired for his work, school, and clients. I think I had 2 breakdowns in the kitchen of just crying. I was frustrated she wasn’t sleeping. I felt helpless she was hurting, even when she was on pain meds around the clock. I felt sad that she couldn’t breathe. I felt guilty for feeling frustrated. I felt angry for being so tired. I felt so loved by her hugs and cuddles. I felt so appreciated by Adam the whole time she was sick. I felt lazy for not keeping up with the house. I felt grateful for doctors and medicine and essential oils. Motherhood is a roller coaster! I have such a better appreciation for my own mom. I remember nights where she was up with me when I was feeling sick or scared, heck I would jump into bed with her after a nightmare until I was 13! (Although if I didnt sleep next to Adam every night, I would still jump in bed with her after a nightmare at 24 years old!) I call my mom probably every day, or every other day, I just love her so much! She eases my mind and gives me advice and just talks to me when I need some adult conversations while Adam is gone all day. My mom rocks. Just saying.
Anyways. Bailey is feeling much better and back to her happy, playful self, which I am super thankful for. And she has started sleeping through the night again, which is just heaven. It only took 10 months haha. Good to remember for the next one haha. The weather is getting more beautiful by the day and we are outside more, going on walks, it has been the best. Bailey is a fun little companion. She’s 10 months old tomorrow and she’s my bestie. She is so close to walking. She will walk a few steps from pushing off something, but she runs too fast and will fall. Haha which means sometimes she will get mad if I don’t hold her hand to walk because then she doesn’t have to work as hard, it is pretty funny. I love just one hand hold walking around with her. Specially when Adam is there and we each have a hand. So adorable. Her personality just cracks me up. Everynight when I give her bedtime cuddles in the glider before laying her down I just soak it in. I memorize how it feels to hold her little body and hear her breathing. I memorize her little hand around my neck or face, making sure I am still there. I love this little girl more than anything. Her and her father are pretty much my favorite people. Just saying.
If someone would have told me a year ago that it was possible to have the best day ever and a super hard day in the same 12 hours. I would say you’re crazy. But that is pretty much what motherhood is. My mom would always quote my nana saying she was “laughing through the tears.” And I love that. Whether it be happy tears or sad, we should all laugh through the tears. I know I have! I am also lucky to have an amazing husband who will hold me and lift me up everyday. He is the best. He comes home from the day, happy to see us and gives us his attention and love. He helps me with whatever is going on and jumps right in. Worth his weight in gold!
Bottom line. Motherhood is a roller coaster. Get on and buckle up. It will be the most exhilarating ride of your life.