It’s Tough Listening to Change

So these past few days have been quite the whirlwind of emotions.

Ever since Bailey started solids a month ago, she has been resisting nursing. She would pull off while still latched and get frustrated, which was very painful for me. I thought maybe there was a supply issue, but after investigating, I had plenty of milk. She just didn’t want to nurse. She was becoming a big girl. She was introduced to the world of food and sippy cups and different flavors…and nursing was too much work and not independent enough for her. I resisted. I did everything in my power to keep her nursing because I wanted her to stay my little Bailey. It was convenient to nurse. But it was also becoming so stressful. The last 2 or so weeks every time it was time to nurse I would be in tears of pain and frustration, and she would refuse and maybe get half of the milk she really needed. So after many tears and discussions with Adam, my Mom, my sister in law Ally, and my best friend Merinda (who were seriously my cheerleaders) I started to feel comfortable with the decision to get her started on bottles. At first I thought maybe I could just pump all the time and give her breastmilk…but to be honest, I didn’t want to do that. I would have to be tied to the pump 24/7. So we are transitioning to formula. I felt so guilty. I felt like I was betraying Bailey by not giving her breastmilk when there are so many people who couldn’t produce it, or that frown on formula and say how dare you not give her your milk. But I breastfed her exclusively for 7 months, so I feel pretty proud of that. She is healthy and happy and honestly she hasnt even noticed the difference between the formula and my milk. I gave her a bottle of both right after the other to see if she would notice….she didn’t bat an eye. In fact, she has seemed happier since we have started bottle feeding. She loves being able to hold the bottle and be cuddled up close to me and get plenty of milk without having to fight so hard. I am happier too because I am not stressed about her getting what she needs, and I love being able to cuddle her in a different way with her bottle.

Weaning my breasts from milk has been a different story haha. Of course for some reason now that I am weaning my milk, they decide to produce the most they ever have. I am cutting down the pumping now to every 5 hours during the day and going all night. Yeah….they hurt! But I am hoping that by gradually doing this and cutting down more pumps, I can be weaned in less than 2 weeks. It will be kind of nice to have my body back for a bit. I feel selfish for even saying that, but I cant help it. Specially since Adam and I will be trying again for our next baby in probably 6ish months. I plan to breastfeed all the babies that I can, so it will be nice to have a “normal” body for a bit. Haha although, is there a normal body after having a baby? I mean really? lol.

I had no idea that Bailey could self wean herself from nursing. It hit me right in the heart. But she is quite the little independent girl already…can’t imagine where she gets that from 😉 I haven’t given her the breast in over 24 hours, and she hasn’t missed it. She holds her bottle and cuddles with me and is perfectly content. She hasn’t tried to dive into my chest or pull down my shirt or anything! (Is it weird that a little part of me wanted her to miss it?? I mean cmon 7 months! haha)
She is a bit more clingy at night though, which is fine by me because I get extra cuddles. She has been waking a little more than usual, but I know she is still getting used to the changes too, even if she was the one who instigated them. Plus we arranged her room a bit different to maximize space, so she is adjusting to a few things!

On an adorable note, she has a toy that is her comfort item; a tag toy. One of those toys that has like 20 diff tags sewn on it and it is a soft little mini blanket/tag/animal thing. We keep it in her crib as a nighttime toy for naps and bedtime. It puts her right out. She will be fighting the nap and as soon as I give her this little tag toy (hmm we may have to name it at some point to make this easier lol) she will lay her head on it, rub a tag, and fall asleep. Its the most ridiculously cutest thing I have ever seen. It makes me want to go buy a million of them though just in case it gets lost…….

So yeah. Weaning from breastmilk to formula bottles. Bittersweet. Lots of guilt and tears…but it is working. She is happier. That is what matters.
We will be spending Thanksgiving with Adam’s family in Houston and leave tomorrow on Bailey’s first plane ride. (So lots of changes AND traveling…good timing Bailey haha) but I know she will do great 🙂 We cant wait to spend some good quality time with the ones we love 🙂

BertochChristmasPhoto2014

These are our Bits O’ Bertoch.

Cassie Bertoch

 

 

 

 

 

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